UPDATE: This post has been officially redacted by the Company to omit excessive opinions about the Company, its competitors, and other unrelated products, events, and proprietary information. Don't mess with the Company. They will redact you.
It's been so long since I've posted anything, I almost forgot that I had a blog. Whenever I have the urge to post, I choke it off with the same restraint that stops me from slapping annoying children in public, because much like physically reprimanding someone else's kid is an express lane to jail, my inescapably inflammatory opinions on all things are an express lane to the unemployment line. As a bottom-rung employee at [company name redacted] with no supervisory responsibility or managerial influence, I am not important enough to earn a decent salary, but, at the same time, I am somehow just important enough that a single stray tweet from me could be picked up by the media as the sanctioned opinion of a multi-billion-dollar corporation and that would be a PR nightmare.
And so it was that Shawn's tongue was cut from his mouth, his wit withered and wilted, and his heart was buried beneath the floorboards of the apartment he could barely afford to rent.
Until this week. As I lay in bed with the flu, watching Hulu videos of Conan ripping apart his corporate tormentor on his last few shows before he is unceremoniously shown the door by NBC, I am emboldened to post some of the commentary that has been eating me up inside, daring me to share to it, to reclaim the rebelliousness that was once a primary characteristic of my identity. I have too long been the willing pawn and supplicant of nameless, formless forces. As Michael Jackson sang in "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'": Lift your head up high, scream out to the world, I know am someone, and let your truth unfurl.
Shamon, indeed.
Besides, as much as I have been subjected to the scare tactics of corporate contracts, NDAs, and Human Resources, surely dominion over my life and thoughts cannot be bought for the price of my meager income. I've got an expensive bachelor's degree from a private university, dammit! So I'm just going to write whatever I want to write, right here, right now, and we'll see what ensues.
So...
1) Everyone keeps asking me, "What's up at [company name redacted]? Are you still going to have a job by this summer? Will you still be in New York?" And the truth is, I don't know. Nobody knows. Personally, what I think is going to happen is that [speculation redacted]. But again, I don't know, and it's starting to [frustration redacted].
2) Thanks to an early birthday gift from my folks, I finally have a PS3 (Slim, natch), which means that I own every major system except a PSP--which I'd hardly [remark redacted]. I can't afford many games, so I use GameFly to constantly rotate my library. Best game I've played lately? Definitely [competitor's title redacted]. It's critical for me to understand all the big game systems, because I've been working on [titles redacted]. Not that my opinion matters all that much, since my job mostly entails [description redacted].
3) [entire paragraph redacted]
4) Movies. You know, I saw Up in the Air, and Christine agreed with me that it's [opinion redacted]. All in all, 2009 seemed like a monumentally bad movie year. Hopefully that's just the aftershock of the WGA strike, which seems to have [analysis redacted] for writers in entertainment. That said, at least Avatar and The Hurt Locker were [praise redacted]!
5) My wedding is coming up! [details redacted]
6) As for my writing work, [career redacted]
7) [all further remarks redacted]
Well, there you have it. I've been wanting to talk about things for a while. Feels good to get them off my chest. I've been kind of down since Michael Jackson died, so my resolution for the New Year is to be more positive by [methods redacted]. I can't believe I held off talking about all this stuff for so long for fear of the corporate hand-slap. Fortunately, I've remembered that I'm nobody's stooge, so from now on [mission statement redacted].
Until next time!
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